For men it takes courage
It took me courage to change, a lot of it. I felt stuck in a situation, trapped, I felt some self destructive habits, negative emotions abounded, I was even getting illness from the place I was in. Pneumonia hit me when I had no cold symptoms, I could not breathe, it was like a weight on my chest. I sat with it, my family didn’t want to hear about my issues. My friends, hell they all had problems of their own, plus I didn’t want to have them carry the load I was feeling.
Men suffer in silence, we block our emotions, this we have been taught, we don’t cry, we don’t talk about our feelings. We don’t have the same community of support that woman share. We, men have to “toughen up buttercup” or “harden the fuck up” like this Chopper Reid video. This leads to very toxic male behaviour, violence, drug use, bullying, anger and rage.
Male loneliness and isolation is a concerning issue, many men are feeling left out, 47 percent of men are unable to confide in friends about their problems, where 63% of woman have a supportive network. According to this article in Mashable 75% of suicides in the UK were men in 2018.
My change started on a yoga mat, it was my little piece of sanctuary. Emotions get stored in the hips and I would find myself letting go in class. As I went to yoga classes I noticed that the ratio was 90% female and 10% male. I thought why are the guys not doing this? Is healing work for woman only? Are guys just to macho, proud, intimidated, uncomfortable joining in. I was the first in my small group of men and a few eventually joined, I am the only one to carry on with it.
In my courage to change I decided to leave everything behind, marriage, job, house, city, possessions (except a few core possession that brought me joy) , friends that no longer served me, and looking back I had some toxic people around me. It was scary yet liberating and as time went along life started to get better. I felt happy again, I let go of bottled emotions with tears. Negative feelings and circumstances I was creating started to turn into positive moments. Yes, I started over again, I started over again into the Dave I am, the Dave I forgot, my heath got better. Awesome people started to show up in my life as I made more room when I let go of the negative.
I started to tell some colleagues about this transformation and they wished they could do the same, seeing the new found freedom in my eyes and the lighter spirit in my soul. They just settle into their comfort zone, doing the same as yesterday and having the same results.
Change is hard, if we tell people they seed us with doubt “you can’t do that” “Why would you do that” is what you will hear. They will try to keep you were you are as they don’t like change, and they certainly don’t want you to change. It is said that you emulate the five people your spend most of your time with, think about that for a few minutes. See how it reflects in your life and ask yourself “Does this serve me?”
I have walked this and I know the feelings of destitute and loneliness men can feel. There is not a lot of support for men to open up and heal their inner child wounds, their mask that they wear everyday. I have had to do most of the work on my own and it is difficult, there was not an abundance of resources like there is for woman.
I am here to help, reach out if you read this article and if it resonates with you.